I've come to re-evaluate where I find my connection. I'm sure it has something to do with growing older and deciding where best to spend my time but I often feel that some of my best days are where I have connected with the people I least expected - the postman, the bus driver, the person who sells me my coffee, a fellow substack writer! :) ...Those small interactions sometimes feel more fulfilling than friendships I have had for decades that are supposedly the people I am connected to the most. I think we tell ourselves stories about who and how we should be connected which actually blinds us to the opportunities that are available to us if we were only open enough to see them.
Wow Alex, I love this. I hadn't even thought about this before you mentioned it, but I'm very... minimalist in terms of having unexpected connections IRL. Being incredibly shy and introverted means I insulate myself from many chance encounters to avoid feeling awkward / uncomfortable, but what opportunities for connection am I also insulating myself from? Such food for thought, thank you *so* much for reading and sharing your perspective.
It’s such a delight to find you here, and I wonder a lot about the trust that goes into the connections we make online - and how those trust leaps are enabled in the right conditions.
There’s something so tangible about IRL, this idea that there is a bit of a capacity on the social cup on how many folk we can connect with in a day, in the coffee shop, meeting for a walk.. etc vs the uncontrollable spread of connection online - that is almost paradoxical because when we give ourselves to online spaces we have to surrender a little bit to some algorithm.
Ah Leila, how wonderful to see you here! I love what you’ve raised, and also find myself thinking about that social cup capacity IRL vs online. I also wonder a lot about some level of ‘delusion’ (in the least technical meaning of the word) about the depth and breadth of our connections online as compared to IRL… so much to think about!
Parasocial relationships would be a good way to think about delusion, initially coined for the intimacy folk felt for characters on tv 📺 (there was a study on coronation street in the 70s so it’s not a recent phenomenon !) who they’d never met/were unlikely to meet.
I love this essay @Ingrid. And it’s so interesting to talk about connection/disconnection when many of us are saying we feel like we’re shouting into the void when we do post on social media (to be fair, that’s usually related to marketing ourselves). Where’s the ‘connection’ in that?
Thanks so much for reading and responding Hazel! I completely relate, and have struggled to be consistent with marketing my business on social media because it feels exactly like shouting into the void. And if I want to be ignored and filtered out, there are much less time consuming ways to do it thank creating content and sharing on apps that hide it. Maybe that's another reason for me to focus on the IRL stuff? There's no void in a small room of people?
You’re absolutely right. There’s no void in a small room of people. And a lot more nuance. Which for me is where a lot of the most interesting conversations and connections happen.
I think part of what I’m finding hard is still thinking my only real life meet ups can happen in London. And I need to make more of doing it here. I put barriers up for myself like driving to Nice is too anxiety inducing or I need to get back for the kids. But I really crave that connection.
I’ve not had FB app on my phone for a few years and I’m taking a little insta break as I’m aware of how the comparison was making me look back not forwards!
I've come to re-evaluate where I find my connection. I'm sure it has something to do with growing older and deciding where best to spend my time but I often feel that some of my best days are where I have connected with the people I least expected - the postman, the bus driver, the person who sells me my coffee, a fellow substack writer! :) ...Those small interactions sometimes feel more fulfilling than friendships I have had for decades that are supposedly the people I am connected to the most. I think we tell ourselves stories about who and how we should be connected which actually blinds us to the opportunities that are available to us if we were only open enough to see them.
Wow Alex, I love this. I hadn't even thought about this before you mentioned it, but I'm very... minimalist in terms of having unexpected connections IRL. Being incredibly shy and introverted means I insulate myself from many chance encounters to avoid feeling awkward / uncomfortable, but what opportunities for connection am I also insulating myself from? Such food for thought, thank you *so* much for reading and sharing your perspective.
It’s such a delight to find you here, and I wonder a lot about the trust that goes into the connections we make online - and how those trust leaps are enabled in the right conditions.
There’s something so tangible about IRL, this idea that there is a bit of a capacity on the social cup on how many folk we can connect with in a day, in the coffee shop, meeting for a walk.. etc vs the uncontrollable spread of connection online - that is almost paradoxical because when we give ourselves to online spaces we have to surrender a little bit to some algorithm.
Ah Leila, how wonderful to see you here! I love what you’ve raised, and also find myself thinking about that social cup capacity IRL vs online. I also wonder a lot about some level of ‘delusion’ (in the least technical meaning of the word) about the depth and breadth of our connections online as compared to IRL… so much to think about!
Parasocial relationships would be a good way to think about delusion, initially coined for the intimacy folk felt for characters on tv 📺 (there was a study on coronation street in the 70s so it’s not a recent phenomenon !) who they’d never met/were unlikely to meet.
I am not even a little bit jealous of your DIFTK meet up. Not even a tad. 🤪😂 (Happy that I get to meet up with you IRL sooon) x
Be so jealous that you end up coming 😂😂😂
Just jokes, completely understand the juggle! And yes, so looking forward to our catch up next week! You're one of those IRL joys to connect with ❤️
hahaha i’m temptedddd! 💛
I love this essay @Ingrid. And it’s so interesting to talk about connection/disconnection when many of us are saying we feel like we’re shouting into the void when we do post on social media (to be fair, that’s usually related to marketing ourselves). Where’s the ‘connection’ in that?
Thanks so much for reading and responding Hazel! I completely relate, and have struggled to be consistent with marketing my business on social media because it feels exactly like shouting into the void. And if I want to be ignored and filtered out, there are much less time consuming ways to do it thank creating content and sharing on apps that hide it. Maybe that's another reason for me to focus on the IRL stuff? There's no void in a small room of people?
You’re absolutely right. There’s no void in a small room of people. And a lot more nuance. Which for me is where a lot of the most interesting conversations and connections happen.
I think part of what I’m finding hard is still thinking my only real life meet ups can happen in London. And I need to make more of doing it here. I put barriers up for myself like driving to Nice is too anxiety inducing or I need to get back for the kids. But I really crave that connection.
I’ve not had FB app on my phone for a few years and I’m taking a little insta break as I’m aware of how the comparison was making me look back not forwards!